4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
