Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
