you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
