I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
