he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
