You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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