How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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