Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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