Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so let's talk penis.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You are the jesus of drinking
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
