a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
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he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.