lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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