Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.