she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.