So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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