she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
