david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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