its not stalking. its research.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Be still, my beating vagina.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
