I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
