Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
