Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
