Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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