I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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