Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
