wakey wakey hands off snakey
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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