It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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