Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
