What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I looked at my own cervix.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
