i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
