Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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