i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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