Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
