I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
