I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
