You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
