btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
