Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
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If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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