Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
