real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
