overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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