She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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