just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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