I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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