i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
