I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
