pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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