I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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