it was like his penis was on wheels.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
