Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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