Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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