I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
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My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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