please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
