Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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