I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
