apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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