He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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