It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize