I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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