Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
