hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
