She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
