ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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