Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
A+ Viking dick
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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