Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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