I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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