i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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