i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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