she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
