just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
