dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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