You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
