I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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