i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
