My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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