Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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