so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
