You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize