I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
