some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
