He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
