My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
