you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
