Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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