If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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