The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
