im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
