I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
